Sibling Quarrels
by Starship Artisan
Summary: Twoshot- Boyd and Rolf are fighting over who is the best. How do they find out? By a series of challenges, of course! Some Ike/Soren.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Well, I've been wanting to write something in the Fire Emblem section for a while now, thus how this was spawned! Oh, and this is a nice little twoshot. Timeline for this story isn't all that important, but I figured it's more of a FE9 fic than anything (and obviously set in Tellius).

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fire Emblem.

* * *

It was dawn at the Greil Mercenaries camp, and Oscar slept peacefully on his makeshift cot. He shifted as the sun shone through the open tent flap, penetrating his closed eyelids. His eyes opened slightly, but still remained in their usual squinted form. He turned his head as his squinted eyes examined the bright opening of the tent. Oscar could hear voices in the distance, ones very recognizable to the knight. They were getting louder and louder, and soon he heard a loud thump and a yelp. He groaned slightly as he heard Rolf's cry, and then Boyd's loud laughter.

He walked out of the tent and towards the training field. He could see them clearly, Rolf sitting on the ground with Boyd towering over him.

"_Oh dear..._" Oscar thought as he saw the two boys arguing with each other, "_what could it be this time?"_

"Shut up, meathead!" The youngest of the three brothers yelled.

"Hey! Don't talk to me like that, you little twerp!" Boyd shouted as Oscar pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Okay you two, what is it now?" Oscar asked his brothers calmly.

"No one asked you!" Boyd and Rolf shouted in unison; Oscar seemed unaffected by the rude comment. The two of them continued to argue angrily as the oldest of the three watched with a calm smile that always adorned his face.

"I told you, Shrimp! I am obviously superior to you in every way possible! Especially fighting, I can use a bow better than you any day! I also have an axe, and that makes me awesomer!" Boyd boasted.

"Awesomer?" Rolf questioned, "You say that you're better than me at _everything_ yet you use made up words? You are such an idiot!"

"I am not an idiot, you little midget!"

"Hey! I'm not a midget!"

"I know the perfect solution!" A voice behind them quipped, the brothers turned around to see Mia smiling mischievously.

"Oh really?" Boyd questioned sceptically.

"Yes," she started, "you could do a bunch of challenges, and whoever does the best in those challenges is obviously the winner!"

"I don't th—"

"That's a great idea!" Boyd and Rolf exclaimed, silencing Oscar.

"_Oh boy..."_

* * *

Challenge 1: Archery

"Okay! All you have to do is hit the target, and whoever hits closest to the center wins!" Mia announced; Shinon decided to watch out of amusement and secretly hoping that his apprentice would win. Oscar stood on the sidelines as his brothers got into place.

Boyd went first, he carefully aimed, and fired the arrow with shaky arms; he hit the outer ring of the target. Cursing loudly, he asked for a redo.

Rolf was next; he carefully aimed his bow with precision and shot the arrow at the target. He hit the bulls eye with ease.

"That's not fair! I demand a redo!" Boyd shouted; Mia simply shook her head.

Rolf: 1

Boyd: 0

* * *

Challenge 2: Magic

It soon became apparent to everyone—including Mia—that this was a stupid challenge. Especially considering that neither of them is capable of doing any magic at all.

Therefore, the score still stands:

Rolf: 1

Boyd: 0

* * *

Challenge 3: Cooking

Oscar was reluctant in allowing his brothers to cook lunch that day for all of the mercenaries. They could be pretty picky at times, but when Mia had her mind set on something, it was almost impossible to change her mind.

"You have one hour to cook lunch for all of the Greil Mercenaries! Whoever has the best tasting lunch wins!" Mia left the two green haired brothers to their work as they began to cook. Oscar took one look at the very unoriginal food that they were making.

This would not be pretty.

* * *

"Your hour is up!" Mia's voice rang through to everyone. All the mercenaries were sitting at tables awaiting their lunches. She selected three judges for this ordeal: Ike, Soren and Oscar.

Clearly, she picked the first three people that she could think of...

Boyd and Rolf both emerged out of the tent; carrying their creations. Little did they know that they both made the same thing.

Sandwiches.

"The epiphany of culinary perfection is right here..." Soren said sarcastically. Before anyone had the chance to say anything, Ike dove into the sandwich that Boyd made. He chewed slowly and his eyes widened.

"This is... actually really good!" Soren looked at him in disgust.

"Bah, it looks like tasteless rubber."

"You think everything tastes like that!"

"Your point is...?"

"Oh come on Soren, just try it!" Mia interjected.

"If I do, will you let me leave?" He deadpanned.

"Yes."

"Deal," Soren agreed. He grabbed Boyd's sandwich and took a small bite. A look of surprise graced his features.

This is... Really good..." Gasps were heard and mouths were agape at Soren's comment. If Soren could actually admit to liking something, then it had to be good. Oscar quickly tried the sandwich; his eyes actually opened.

"...Wow..." Oscar said with a surprised tone. Mia and the other mercenaries were in pure shock.

"Uh... Now to try Rolf's..." Mia said quickly. The three judges took a bite out of Rolf's sandwich. Ike had a look of disgust, Soren spat it out—which spoke for itself—and pushed his plate away, and even Oscar gulped the chunk down reluctantly.

The winner was obvious.

Rolf: 1

Boyd: 1

* * *

Challenge 4: Athletics

"Now," Mia began, "you two will run an obstacle course! Whoever completes it first, wins!" She announced.

The course itself was fairly basic; a few hurdles, a large climbing wall, a wire net that they would have to crawl under and through mud, a tight rope-like obstacle with a water pit underneath, and finally, a simple tire run. Boyd smiled gleefully at the course; Rolf grimaced.

"Alright! Now we're talking!"

"Ugh..."

* * *

"Ready... Go!" Mia shouted.

The two brothers took off quickly, Boyd just slightly ahead. They both cleared the hurdles with a fair amount of ease, even if Rolf came close to stumbling a few times—mostly because of his small stature.

When they came to the climbing wall, Boyd quickly leaped up and began scaling the large wall. Rolf on the other hand, hesitated for a moment before starting to climb. Boyd soon reached the top and jumped off the edge and landed swiftly on the ground while his brother was only halfway up the large wall.

Boyd dived under the barb wire net and into the mud with a resounding _SPLUNK!_ He began crawling through the mud with a look of determination, meanwhile Rolf hopped off of the wall and also down into the mud. However, Rolf moved much faster than his older brother and quickly made his way to the other side. He ran quickly to the next obstacle—the tight rope. Rolf hopped up onto the rope and carefully walked on it. Unfortunately, his balance slipped and he fell into the water; he had to start again. By this point, his brother had caught up and Boyd got to the other side with ease. Rolf tried the rope for the second time, but he fell in again.

Boyd tripped on the tire run, but he quickly recovered and crossed the finish line. Poor Rolf still hadn't crossed the treacherous rope.

Rolf: 1

Boyd: 2

* * *

Challenge 5: Tactics

Mia was running out of ideas, so naturally she started to ask around.

And who better to ask than the merchants?

Mia didn't even take Aimee's idea into consideration, but Daniel and Jorge came up with a great idea: their war game. They explained how it worked with Mia and she agreed that it would be a good challenge.

Rolf was eager for this challenge, but Boyd simply groaned.

"Okay," Jorge began to explain, "So, if the enemy was flanking your unit on both sides, what would you do?" He showed them the small map in front of them.

Rolf took a moment to think and examine the map, but Boyd responded quickly.

"Easy, attack the stronger one, hope you don't die, and hit the other one!" Boyd explained vaguely; Daniel and Jorge both slapped their palms on their foreheads.

"Um, no... If you do that, you'll get killed." Daniel explained before Boyd cut him off.

"Nooooooooo! You could get lucky and the enemy could miss, and even if you do die, it's just a stupid game, anyway!" Jorge pinched the bridge of his nose as Rolf begun to speak.

"Why wouldn't you move on the other side of one of them, kill them, and then get healed by a healer who is a safe distance away with a Physic staff, like Rhys."

"...Not the best, but it works," Daniel paused, "much better than what _he_ came up with."

"HEY!"

Rolf: 2

Boyd: 2

* * *

A/N: Well, that's the first chapter! I hope you all like it, and reviews are much appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here is the second chapter. This consists of one challenge, but once you know what it is, you'll see why it takes so long xD

Implied Ike/Soren is in this chapter as well.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fire Emblem Path or Radiance.

* * *

Challenge 6: Soren

"It's time for the toughest challenge yet!" Mia exclaimed loudly, but Boyd and Rolf were starting to get tired of these stupid challenges.

"What is it this time?" Boyd whined.

"Better not be another obstacle course..." Rolf muttered.

"No, this is one that would be tough for even the most diplomatic of people! Even Count Bastian would have a hard time with this!" Mia boasted, at this, Boyd and Rolf leaned in with anticipation.

"You must," she took a painfully long pause, "make Soren laugh.

Both boys took a moment to register what she had said, and soon their eyes widened and their jaws dropped.

"B-B-B-Bu-Bu-But t-t-t-hat's i-impossible!" Boyd stuttered.

"Yeah! He could kill us!" Rolf let out a terrified breath.

Mia's eyes narrowed, "Well, whoever can do it is _obviously_ the best." Boyd and Rolf looked at each other with blank stares before shouting, "IT'S ON!"

* * *

Boyd hid in the bushes as he observed his target. Soren was sitting on a bench, mouth stuck in a thin line as he read one of his tomes.

He figured he could sneak up and surprise him... That could make him laugh...

Boyd shrugged, it was worth a shot.

He made his way around through the bushes so that he was in the blind spot of his target. He approached cautiously, but a voice stopped him.

"What do you want, Boyd?" Soren asked without looking.

_How does he do that...?_

"Uh! Well, er... Would you like to... hear a joke! Yeah, a joke?"

Soren paused for a second before he gave his reply, "...No."

"Please! I mean... Uh... It's really funny!" Soren turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, what is it?"

"Uh, well... How did the chicken cross the road? Wait no, that's not how it went... OH! Why did the chicken cross the road?" Soren gave him a blank stare for a moment, not really sensing the joke.

"To get to the other side?" He questioned.

"...Yeah..." Soren blinked, before wordlessly turning around and getting back to his reading.

"Hey what about—"

"Go away, Boyd."

* * *

Soon, Boyd came up with another idea, and it was even better than the last. He thought of things that made him laugh, and came up with his golden idea.

All he needed was some help...

He decided to get help from Ike, since he could be clumsy and can actually talk to Soren. If anyone could make him laugh, it was Ike. Since Ike was a terrible actor, Boyd didn't let him in on his master plan.

Nor did he even mention anything about it.

This is why Ike was very confused when Boyd body checked him and knocked him over.

"What the f—"

"Ahahahaha!"

The laugh was unexpected, but only because it came from Boyd's mouth and not Soren's. The mage watched with a bored expression on his face; Ike got up and rubbed his head, groaning as he did so.

"What in Ashera's name was that for?" Ike asked Boyd with a glare. Boyd stared at him silently for a second, not having a valid excuse.

"Uh, I don't know what you mean! It was... Um..." He looked around quickly, finding someone to lay the blame on. He soon found his scapegoat, and pointed towards him with an accusing expression, "RHYS!"

Rhys looked at Boyd innocently, and surprisingly, Ike bought it.

"Rhys! Why would you do something like that?" Ike questioned sternly.

"What did I do?" The healer asked in confusion.

"You pushed me! What did I ever do to you?"

"I don't know what you mean? I didn't do anything..." He trailed off.

"Get out of my face you... you... you... PUSHER!"

"Okay..." Rhys walked away while mumbling, "I just went to find some herbs..."

"_Well,_" Boyd thought, "_that didn't work..._"

* * *

He was running out of time...

Boyd figured the best plan of action was to ask an expert, and by that he meant someone who told lots of jokes and laughed all of the time.

That person was Gatrie.

His surely boisterous personality caused him to be happy-go-lucky and generally cheery. Boyd thought that he would be great help, now all he needed was to find the blond knight. He would probably be with Shinon, who would probably be with Rolf... What if Rolf had thought of asking for Gatrie to help first?

"Naw," Boyd thought, "he isn't that smart!"

* * *

Boyd soon found Gatrie with Shinon, but Rolf was nowhere to be found.

"Perfect!" Boyd exclaimed in his head, he ran up to Gatrie and got straight to the point.

"Hey! You! I need to find a way to make Soren laugh, can you teach me how to be funny?"

Gatrie was surprised at Boyd's request, he wasn't sick, was he? As he thought about it, he got excited.

"Of course! Let's get started right away!" He grabbed Boyd by the arm and dragged him off happily, leaving Shinon standing there. He watched Gatrie dragging Boyd off while laughing merrily.

"What was that?" He grunted, practicing his archery.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rolf paced in his tent, thinking about what his plan would be. How could he get Soren to laugh? Jokes were out of the question, only idiots would try that. Same goes for pushing someone over, only Boyd would try something like that. He sighed and ran a hand through his moss green hair.

Suddenly, an idea came to him.

As stupid as it was, it was worth a shot...

* * *

"Hey Mia!" Rolf called to the violet haired Trueblade, figuring that she would provide perfect help.

Mia was using a practice dummy to train with her sword; she turned to face Rolf.

"Yeah?" She asked curiously, wondering what he could possibly want.

"I need your help! I have an idea on how to make Soren laugh, but I can't do it alone..."

"...I'm listening." Rolf's face brightened as he began to explain his plan.

Once he finished Mia nodded, grabbed Rolf's wrist, and ran off to find Soren with the younger green haired boy.

Soren was sitting in his tent as usual; reading a book on wind magic, also as usual. He looked up when he heard shuffling and saw Mia and Rolf standing in front of him. Rolf had a nervous expression while Mia was smiling, this could not be good.

After neither of the two said anything as to why they were in his tent in the first place, Soren broke the silence with: "What do you two want?"

"Oh! I'm glad you asked; we need help with our next move!" Mia explained cheerfully.

"Well, for one thing I already went over these with Ike, and even then why would he send you two to find me?"

"Ike forgot and wants you to tell him again, and we just happened to be around him when he said that!" Soren frowned at their obvious lie, but Mia forced him to stand up by grabbing his arm with a sharp pull. She gave a quick nod to Rolf, and they began doing something totally unexpected.

It was unthinkable, degrading even!

They tickled him.

"Stop touching me! What on earth are you doing!" Soren asked, slightly flustered at having the two of them assault him like that.

"Argh! It isn't working... He must not be ticklish..."

"Darn..." Rolf said, sad at the failed attempt. Quickly, Mia grabbed Rolf by the back of his shirt and dragged him out of Soren's tent, leaving the wind mage to wonder what was going on with people today.

* * *

"Okay... So that didn't work very well. Got any more ideas?"

"No..." Rolf muttered quietly, not meeting Mia's eyes.

"Hmmmm... Have you ever tried laughing gas?" Rolf stared at her as if she was insane; she shrugged in response, "Hey! It could work..."

"...Do we have any?"

"I do, weirdly enough!" Rolf beamed at her, eyes glistening as if it were Christmas.

Maybe he could win this after all.

* * *

_This is it... Time to win this!_

Boyd thought that as he and Gatrie were sneaking around the mercenary camp. They had a plan that they figured was absolutely foolproof. Then again, this was Boyd and Gatrie that we're talking about.

At the same time, Rolf and Mia were also sneaking around, actually planning on using the laughing gas. After all, Soren laughing naturally was like trying to light water on fire.

It just wasn't going to happen.

Boyd and Gatrie got to Soren first; finding him talking to Ike about God knows what. Clutching the secret weapon behind their backs, the warrior and the knight crept up on their unsuspecting victim. Soren, sensing that they were there, turned around to a surprising sight.

Two pies coming right for his face.

Before he had the opportunity to move, the two pastries collided with his face causing a goopy mess.

Boyd waited for the reaction; Gatrie ran as fast as his armor would allow him to (he knew Soren well enough to tell that he would not be happy about this). The green haired axe user didn't notice, nor did he even think about it.

He was confused when no laughter was heard, not even from Ike. His face contoured into one of horror as Soren gave him an angry look. He didn't know whether to laugh or scream at how the glare looked with his face covered in the remnants of the pie. Meanwhile, laughter could be heard resonating behind him. The laugh sounded an awful like...

"Shhhhh! Be quiet or they'll hear us!" Rolf whispered to the girl beside him. Her mouth clamped shut as she noticed Boyd giving the bushes that they were hiding in a funny look, but he brushed it off as if it was natural that bushes laughed.

"Ahem." Soren cleared his throat, causing Boyd to redirect his attention to the fuming mage. Boyd rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, noticing that his plan had failed. He figured that he may as well just give up.

Boyd was confused when he himself randomly burst into laughter, and even more so when Ike did as well.

"Why isn't the laughing gas working on Soren!" Rolf exclaimed to Mia, whose mouth was agape at seeing Soren with a straight face.

Soren can resist laughing gas, apparently.

Rolf let out a defeated sigh.

No one was going to win this.

The score still stands;

Rolf: 2

Boyd: 2

* * *

"How about we call it a draw?" Rolf suggested to his older brother. Boyd, being too tired to argue, agreed. They decided that supper would be a good idea, but as they walked to get food, they heard the strangest sound.

It almost sounded like... Giggling?

The surprising part is where it was coming from. Both brothers gave bewildered expressions at Soren's tent. Their gazes drifted to each other, and they wordlessly agreed to eavesdrop.

They pressed their ears up to the thin tent wall, able to barely hear the conversation at hand. More giggling was heard along with words.

"_Oh Ike..._" Wait, was that a moan?

Boyd and Rolf immediately pulled away from the tent, blushes on both of their faces.

They didn't even want to know.

* * *

A/N: Annnd that is it. Thanks for reading! I hope you all enjoyed :3

Reviews are much appreciated.


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